Caught in a rut of unhappiness? Here are constructive ways in which to cope
Get a health check-up
If you're unhappy, but you can't put your finger on the reason, get your general health checked. An easily curable condition like anaemia (iron deficiency) can make the world seem like a dark place. Hormonal upsets can send your libido plummeting, while depression -another curable condition - can make life seem not worth living. If you have the blues because your life really is the pits, getting a check-up is still vital.
Take help from a buddy
If you believe it's you who needs to change, get a true friend or loved one to offer their insight. Are you really that badly off, or have you just lost confidence? Maybe you had a critical parent or someone who constantly puts you down. Sadly, some people enjoy trampling on dreams.Don't let anyone stamp on yours.
Indulge in human contact
Anyone's who had gone through a tough break-up will know the value of this one. When a friend bothers to call you up every day to check on you, or lands up at your door every morning so you'll accompany them on a walk, you'll realise there are people who love you. Getting out and being around people who matter is vital to beat a low.
Step away from home
This is a very helpful step, especially, if you live on your own. Sometimes, staying alone with yourself and your unhappy thoughts can be a real nightmare. Leave your house and all your routine behind. Go out, whether for a few hours or a few days. Go to the movies with friends, on a daily road trip with your family, or for a walk by yourself. You'll be surprised at how much better it feels to let your mind get some fresh air.
At some stage, most of us have to adapt to change when it's forced upon us.Don't waste time asking why it happened to you or, even worse, what you did to cause it. What happened is called life. Widowhood, divorce, bankruptcy, eviction -it's not a punishment for being bad or inadequate, so don't waste energy feeling guilty. Pick yourself up and start again. And don't be too proud to ask for help. There is an organisation or helpline there for every misfortune. Make use of them.
Most of us are addicts, although we may not real ise it. We are not talking about sex, drugs or drink.We mean the addictions that keep us plodding on in a certain way, because that's how we've always done it. Something that, at first glance, can look like a virtue -like being houseproud, or counting the pennies -can become a noose around your life, so don't be afraid to break a lifetime habit now and then.
Do unto others
Most things in life are a two-way ticket. Act towards those around you the way you'd like them to act towards you. If, for instance, you wish that your friends help you find a job in your area of expertise, see if you can forward a resume once in a while. We realise that when you are down in the dumps it's tough to play Santa but helping another can actually make you feel better.
Eat and drink healthy
Foods have an effect on moods, it's been scientifically proven. By figuring what eats push you down a dark tunnel, you can actually change the way you feel. For some, it's caffeine and sugary foods. For others, it's high fat and carb-rich eats. If coffee makes you mind race, it's not good for anxiety anyway. Try to eat natu ral foods, especially green vege tables and coloured fruits.
Don't say, 'later'
Each time you put something off, you accept defeat, and defeat saps confi dence. Take a risk, some times. `If only' are the sad dest words in the English language. Somewhere there's someone who will help you work it out if it's possible and, if it is, how you can do it. Good luck! Read more here:cocktail dresses australia
Imagining a better future alone, won't get you anywhere. A New York professor discusses what will.
It's the new-age mantra touted to help you achieve a more fulfilling life -positive thinking. However, while many of us indulge in happy thoughts and dreams about the future, those who actually end up living that life are a minority.
The problem, says Dr Gabriele Oettingen, lies in how we approach positive thinking. The New York University psychology professor and researcher who has authored the recent title, Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, says, "You need to understand how you use it, so that you are able to use it better in your daily life."
Why fantasy derails
Engaging with the future, via positive thinking, says Oettingen, can be done either through expectation or fantasies.
Those who have expectations from the future form a judgement about how likely it is that the desired results will show through, based on past experiences. "For instance," she says in a telephonic interview to Mirror, "if it is someone's wish to, say, get good grades and they have got good grades in the past, expect that they will fulfil their wish and will find it worthwhile to invest in their academics." Fantasies and day dreams, which she classifies as "mere thoughts and images of a better future", however, derail a person trying to reach their goal because they are independent of our abilities.
As part of an experiment, Oettingen and her team studied university graduates looking for a job.They measured students' fantasies about their dream jobs as well as their expectations of attaining such a job."The higher the students' expectations were, the more they earned two year later. Interestingly, though, the more positive students' fantasies were the fewer applications they sent out and, two years later, they also earned fewer dollars" she says.
This happened, she explains, because those who fantasised about their success were already enjoying the pleasures of the success. So, they didn't feel motivated enough to do the cumbersome things that were needed to achieve those results. The fantasies also had a physiological effect. Those in the fantasy group reported lower blood pressure and appeared more relaxed -markers linked to lesser effort.
Do a mental contrast
If you have a New Year's resolution that you are hoping to stick to or achieve Oettingen suggests you chart out the obstacles you will face when trying to achieve your goal.
Isn't that counterproductive? She disagrees.
"Think of someone whose goal is to quit smoking. They have thought about how good they will feel when they quit. However, they meet a friend who offers them a cigarette and, without thinking, they grab it," she says. Listing the obstacles you are likely to face -in this case, being around smokers -will give you the energy and motivation to reach your goal. "Those who haven't considered these obstacles have only a little chance of success."
She has designed what she calls the WOOP strategy to get you to your goal.W = What is the goal that you'd like to achieve? O = What would be the best Outcome once you achieve the goal? O = What are the Obstacles you forsee in your attempt to achieve this goal? P = What Plan do you have to overcome these obstacles? Giving an example of how to use WOOP, Oettingen says, "Imagine that your problem is an interpersonal conflict with your flatmate. Your objective is to resolve it. That would make living conditions peaceful.
"However, you shy away from confrontation and rather not bring it up. You then chart out a plan that pre-empts this situation and a way to circumvent it. For instance, you ask your flatmate out for coffee and talk about the situation in a neutral area where you'll feel comfortable."
Start with positivity
Is positive thinking overrated? "Not at all," says Oettingen. "We found that those who engaged only with the negative did not move towards their goal either. Start by imagining the positive future and then switch gears and ask, `what holds me back?' Identify the obstacles and make the effort needed to achieve that goal." Read more here:www.marieaustralia.com/backless-formal-dresses
As most matrimonial ads typically go by the, "fair, slim and homely girl needed for a well-settled boy" phrase, women's demands have undergone a drastic change.
"Tall, dark and handsome" has now been replaced by "broadminded, understanding and a good cook." While both men and women are known to fantasise about their prospective spouses, what makes it more exciting are the expectations they have.
Women, in recent times, are known to outnumber men in listing out modern expectations from their prospective spouse, cooking being one of them.
In a recent survey conducted by a matrimonial website, a whopping 51.9 per cent women said that they want their prospective spouses to help in household chores. While, 39.5 per cent want a spouse with culinary skills. Marriage counsellor Vedika Shreshtha, says, "The modern woman is independent, smart and speaks her heart, that makes her demands different from the stereotypes. Hence, if she thinks her prospective spouse should fulfill certain criteria, why not?"
She also adds, "Remember those days when prospective grooms would come to the bride's home to see her walk and talk. Modern-age women are not just rendering this trend as passe but are paving a new path to have a stronger wedlock with better transparency." Both men and women discover different things about themselves after marriage. It is often observed that these things are mostly shocks and not surprises. A guy who seemed open-minded when you met during courtship, suddenly seems an alien after staying together for a few days. Hence, these criteria when laid out before marriage can clear the air between the couple.
"We, too, have long working hours, in fact, sometimes even longer than men, and our jobs are as stressful. Hence, if I expect my husband to help me with the household chores, what's so annoying about it? If he can expect me to be by his side during highs and lows, can't I expect such a small thing from him," says Bijalpita Dasgupta, an engineer by profession. Many feel that men who know cooking can be great companions for life, as they believe in sharing the simple joys in life like giving your better half a deserving break from the kitchen.
Ranjeeta Kalyanchandmooda, a wedding counsellor, feels that undergoing an HIV test and a fertility test before weddings is not just a criteria, it should be a mandate.
"STDs are very common these days, and it could affect anyone anytime. If the person's medical conditions are prior known to the spouse, the person can be treated accordingly, and a right decision of marrying the person or not, will be solved easily. It also relieves women from being in the blame game of being unable to bear a child, etc," says Ranjeeta.
Opening up about your liabilities and investments to your partner will make it simpler. "It will not just make the couple feel secure about each other, but also work in case of emergencies since the other half knows the kind of savings they have," says Amit Dharia, a financial advisor.
What women want
- They should know how to cook
- They should help with household chores
- They should readily undergo an HIV test prior to marriage
- Admit to not feel financially insecure if I earn well/keep male ego aside
- Be open to talk about sex and also experiment
- Have a staunch opinion against dowry even if it is stated in customs
- Give enough 'me' time
- Never encourage any comparison with the mother-in-law
- Do not force on having children
- Never ask to give up careers. Read more here:MarieAustralia cheap formal dresses